"Forever Young", Bah, humbug

Aah, the last day of April...We had the "spring showers" this past Sunday. Actually, it was a monsoon. It poured steadily all day. We are now 2 inches over the average "rain fall". We watch the "rain fall" closely, what with this being farm country and all, and we all believe the experts lie-like-dogs about it. Nothing like a "crisis" to spike ratings. Being simple country folk, if it grows: great! If it dies, pull it up by the roots and start over next season, or file for a federal subsidy, depends on how savvy you are. Crisis can be profitable. If it's too dry, drought; too wet, flood - win,win.

I am not CYNICAL. Ok, maybe a little cynical, in the best way. Wary, sceptical...curmudgeonly? I'm getting older, but not on purpose.

I don't have a problem with age. I'm 51 years old. What I'm not particularly fond of is the physical and mental decline. Fifteen years ago, I ate nothing, slept 4 hours on a good night, and worked 80 or 90 hours a week at the "un-job". Ten years ago, I could leg press 540 pounds, and do pull ups, 3 sets of 10 reps. Six years ago I ran 10K's in under an hour. Then I broke. It really hasn't been a steady decline. It's one day I'm fly, the next comatose. At 50, I knew I'd have to do something about the marathon dream. It was, quite literally, "now or never". I made it...barely. My former 5-day a week weight lifting fix is down to a kickboxing class on Wednesday evenings. My 25 mile a week running schedule has been downsized to two, three mile runs...in a good week. I walk a lot with Daughter, grandsons, and Tall One, but walking used to not count! That was just how I got around. I have a Nordic track machine that I use now more than ever...days that are too cold, too wet, too dark, too hot. It didn't used to matter. I took a yoga class. I liked it.

And mentally? I've lost the ability to multi-task. It's one thing at a time or I short out. At 25, I had three children three and under, I canned our food, made our clothes, sewed and babysat for extra money, and was very, very involved in our church and neighborhood. Ten years later, we had three active kids in school and sports, a thriving business, I was involved in volunteer pursuits, and the previously mentioned "un-job". Ten years after that, the "kids" are young adults finishing High School and college, I'm still working at the "un-job", my mother requires more and more time (she doesn't drive anymore and lives an hour away), the business is still growing, volunteering still needs to be done, and we've moved in to the Barn. I make time to exercise. Since then, there have been three weddings, two grandsons, and Nana has been downsized and moved close. Today, when I get up from this computer to put a load of laundry in the dryer, I will forget that I have been blogging. I will come back later, sit down, continue writing and the coffee I'm warming in the microwave will get cold again and I'll find it tomorrow morning when I go to make the instant oatmeal. And let's not get started on "word search". If you talk to me in the grocery store, I am not this glib. In fact, I'm a blithering idiot. I make no sense. I forget names, don't finish my sentences, and murder metaphors. I'd worry about Alzheimer's except that I still know where I am and what I'm doing, I'm just inept. I still try to talk on the phone and do other things at the same time, but I find myself more and more just sitting down and trying my damnedest to have a coherent conversation. And should I even get started on sleeping? Three or four hours max.- that was sleeping in! Shut-eye was the enemy! Get up and hit the ground running, don't sit down all day, and do it again tomorrow! "I'll sleep when I'm dead", the mantra repeated manically as I consumed my third pot of black coffee! Now, after 8 to 10 hours of being dead-to-the-world (except the multiple trips to the bathroom), it's only with sheer strength of will that I manage to crawl back from the abyss, totter to the bathroom yet again, somehow make coffee (only two small cups with fat-free half & half), then breakfast, the paper, a little of "The Today Show", and usually after an hour or two of this drivel I can begin to think about doing something constructive...then it's time for a nap.

I am 51. And I believe I would be better able to handle the decline if society wasn't screaming at me, "50 is the new 30!". I just saw it again this morning. The 68 year old author of a book extolling the virtues of our golden years, "Gracefully, Looking and Being Your Best at Any Age". After a stay-at-home career of 25 years and six children, she reenters the work force at 53 and at 63 decides she needs a challenge. So she becomes a model! A fifty year old women just qualified for the Olympic Marathon. Sharon Stone is still showing up in the tabloids, and not as a joke. This is NOT real life. The trouble is that these "superheros" are being touted as the norm, the expected, the REQUIRED! After five decades of life, why am I STILL being exhorted to "HAVE IT ALL...AT THE SAME TIME...FOREVER!"

I believe in the power of a positive attitude and good nutrition and proper exercise. I will continue to learn, continue to grow, contribute in any way that I can. I will influence the lives I touch. I have experience, I have tempered my emotions, I have learned patience, and I don't have time to lose, which makes me fearless. I really don't want to squander a minute in the vain pursuit of being "forever young". I don't want to be YOUNG - I want to be VENERABLE.