Babysitting and Other Weighty Matters

Babysitting, from where did this term come? First of all, there are no babies involved. Yes, I know we still call the smallest one "Baby", but that's only to differentiate him from the larger one. He's walking and talking and exerting his personal preferences in typical male fashion (he either ignores us or throws a giant tantrum)...he is no longer an infant. The "new car smell" is gone. The larger one is almost fully functional. He can argue.
So, this week I am "babysitting". We've established the fallacy in the "baby" part, trust me, there is no "sitting" involved,either. They do not sit, I do not sit. Nobody sits, ever. Until dinner, then they go home and I sit....with a glass of wine. Whew.
They love me. Sometimes, they prefer me. I always prefer them.
Two blond boys. All boy. Climbing, running, screaming, hitting, riding, throwing, laughing, crying, happy, sad, mad, intoxicating, suffocating, spontaneous boys.
One eats, one doesn't. One loves to read books, the other turns pages. They both like to play outside. They love construction vehicles. They throw balls in the house. They throw food on the floor. They have been known to throw up. This place is a sty. Wouldn't have it any other way. At least they're good sleepers. This wasn't always the case.

The larger one wouldn't sleep for months, except when he was held...tightly. Daughter would hold him all night, every night, tightly, for months, six months, at least. I would hold him for naps, tightly, for hours. Finally, sleep deprivation set in, Daughter, not him. We got on the....internet....spooky. Started to research "sudden infant death syndrome", cause it seemed the larger one slept well on his tummy, but never, ever, ever on his back. We only know this because of "constant vigil". We would place the baby on his belly and then stare at him for the entire time he slept. Just to make sure he didn't stop breathing. Cause we were warned!

Being the "grandmother", I put my babies to sleep on their tummies. What did I know? That was what we were supposed to do. None of them died. All of them slept. But, now, that is the WORST offense a parent can commit. Apparently, the baby will DIE immediately upon being placed on its tummy. The best thing you, as a parent, can do for your child is to develop a misshapen head...from NEVER, EVER laying them on their tummies. This is concrete evidence that you are conforming to the accepted mode of child rearing. Proof that you are a parent extraordinaire! And their heads do eventually revert to "normal". Or is that just creative hair design?

Anyway, Daughter and I began researching, and found the data pertaining to the placing of the infant on it's stomach to sleep and the potential for dying suddenly, unconvincing. There is a HUGE correlation between S.I.D.S. and parental smoking, parental drinking, parental drug addiction, parental neglect, you get the picture...and, just think about the huge blitz to educate on these factors. When I was pregnant, a mere 30 years ago, women still smoked, and drank alcohol, not a worry in world with caffeine, O.T.C. drugs, prescription drugs...do I hear marijuana? There was only the faintest buzz about maternal habits and fetal health. The generation before, my mother's generation was even more "ignorant". Could, just possibly, education and intervention, social programs, increased care and emphasis on healthy-baby practices during pregnancy, infant health care, knowledge being broadcast ad nauseum to the masses, be accountable for the statistical drop in S.I.D.S.? I've read articles about the need for better post mortem reporting. Could this lower the figures even further? Even the S.I.D.S. sites are unable to convincingly demonstrate how or why BACK sleeping is directly responsible for eliminating S.I.D.S. No one knows why it "works". What appears to be provable, is that an infant sleeping on its back is never sleeping soundly. Therefore, the least outside stimulus will awaken the baby. Does this not infer that we are raising a generation or two of sleep deprived people (and I'm not talking about the PARENTS)? Could this not contribute to the increase in autism and A.D.H.D.? Sleep deprivation is huge! These guys are tiny.

I am not advocating disobeying the experts or your pediatrician. I am NOT telling anyone to do ANYTHING! I have no credentials, no degrees, I am basically a moron. I am not saying that S.I.D.S. is in any way a parent's fault. There are hurting, ravaged people who have lost an infant for no discernible reason, and I do not, in any way, ever, ever, mean to imply that they are in anyway at fault. Please, do not misunderstand me. But, when Daughter and Surfer Dude looked at the evidence (and after consulting with me, Grammy, and a few close friends), they came to the conclusion that it was worth the risk to put THIS child to bed on his belly. He slept like a log. Has for years. We are still dealing with the guilt. Huge guilt.

The other thing we found....lots, and lots, of other parents are dealing with the same guilt. And lying through their teeth to their pediatricians...