Day Six....

Woke up....felt good...didn't drink...

Five!

By last evening, I was feeling grumpy and thought that a glass of wine would be a GREAT idea. So, Tall One and I went for a walk instead. He wondered about my day and I told him. He said, "Ahhh, what are you grumpy about?", and I said, "Probably because I can't have a glass of wine!" The circle begins....

I woke up feeling irritable this morning, too. The actual point of this experiment is to see exactly how alcohol effects my moods, feelings and productivity. It may be that a glass of wine, calms and settles me. It may turn out to be a great stress buster. It could turn out that my hormonal fluctuations are much worse without the calming effects of my nightly red. Or, it could turn out that I feel much better drinking only occasionally. That would definitely be easier on my weight.

In my youth, I struggled with my weight. I was never grossly overweight, I just saw myself that way. I ate all the calorie dense staples of the 60's, 70's, and 80's without the physical exertion necessary to negate it. I would jump on the latest diet bandwagon, only to fall off a week later. In the 90's I hit on a workable solution. I ate high fat, wasted calories foods almost exclusively. I lost about 25 pounds. This was because of the universal truth that if you expend more calories than you eat, you will lose weight. I ate crap, but only a tiny, little bit of crap, or nothing at all. And, then because I couldn't crap I would take a couple of laxatives. This type of diet does not bode well over the long haul. I then got interested in weight training. You can't lift weights and NOT eat. But, weight training and bizarre food patterns go hand in hand. Around this time, Tall One learned to cook. I existed on mostly tuna fish and grilled chicken. I lived for a daily snack of a banana with a little bit of peanut butter. This diet was a huge IMPROVEMENT. More time passed, and I passed into middle age. Right around 47, it all fell apart.

I learned how to eat well to get and stay healthy. I've jumped on a couple of bandwagons. The flax meal bandwagon, and the no fat bandwagon. I tried some supplements, primarily glucosamine/chondroitin. But, in the last years I have mellowed. I eat cheese, but almost never red meat. I drink 1% milk instead of skim. I try very hard to look at the whole picture.

So, now, I know how to eat. I value moderation.

There are similar stages associated with my drinking. First there was the extreme indiscriminate illegal binging of my youth, then the religious inspired tee-totaling of my young adulthood. After I decided I wasn't going to hell for drinking a glass of wine with dinner, I would occasionally have a glass of wine with dinner. Then, we encountered a couple of life glitches, and a couple of glasses of wine became a reward. A way to celebrate making it through another day! Every day now, for a couple of years. Then we discovered the bar!

The crises have passed or mellowed, and now it's time to figure out how to moderate. I'm feeling pretty good this afternoon....I get to be the designated driver tonight...see you in the morning...

Four?

Ok, I've lost count! But, be that as it may, so far, so good! Trite cliches rock!

Yesterday went well. I didn't need to take a nap in the afternoon. I watched some T.V. with Tall One in the evening. The new season opener of "Desperate Housewives", yay! and, the new show, "The Event" which has possibilities although, I'm leery...it could deteriorate a la "24", and that would be disappointing.

The DVR allows us to watch two hours of shows in an hour and a half, so by 9:30pm I was upstairs getting ready for bed and settling down to read. The last couple of nights I haven't sleep soundly, but it's not awful tossing and turning, just longer wakefulness and more frequent trips to the toilet. I am remembering what I read, and not having to reread entire sections while fighting to focus.

In spite of the sleep issue, which may not even be an issue, just a difference...I woke up at 6:06a.m. feeling quite well. I did a half hour on the Nordic, showered, and after a couple of chores, it's 8:55a.m. I'm feeling productive and not draggy.

This bodes well for the "booze hiatus"...but, in order to be completely definitive, I'll have to go through a couple of monthly cycles (making an exception for Costa Rica). "Feeling well" could be attributed to the 20-minutes of relief that I experience every couple of months from hormonal insanity . I imagine this is what "normal" feels like. It's interesting that 5 minutes a month, can define "normal"...but, I'm clinging to it!

I'm encouraged. I'm not feeling uncontrollable cravings for my wine. I'm not eating more to compensate...in fact, I'm not mindlessly grazing, as I have been, while enjoying that second glass after dinner.

Day Three (reporting on two, too)

Still not drinking. It's not as dramatic as it sounds. I'm not having to follow a 12 step program, or take it one day at a time. Tall One made a lovely pasta dinner last night, and I was fine, really fine, with my water. I actually like water, better than anything other than wine! So, day two, down, on to today!

I was planning to get up and go to the gym with Tall One this morning. He has a rigid schedule that must be accommodated. Other than that, he was very encouraging. However, when it was time to get rolling, promptly at 5:45a.m., I was not feeling the like! I needed to wake up, re-group, and head out later.

Back-story: A couple of weeks ago, I set up the old T.V. and VCR in the game/second guest room/PhD's old digs. While arranging the videos, I found a yoga tape that I had borrowed YEARS ago. I loved my yoga classes, also years ago, and occasionally practice the sun salutation and a couple of poses. I've wanted to get into some sort of yoga routine....for years.

Well, even after coffee and a couple of oranges, I wasn't anymore in like with the gym idea. It's funny (funny, strange - not, funny, haha) because I used to live at the gym...I LOVED to lift. I didn't mind the pain. Coveting the option of standing to pee was the bench mark of a good workout (ladies, do fifty squats, followed by fifty lunges...and by tomorrow you'll know what I'm talkin' 'bout!). Now, just the thought of purposely making my muscles stiff, makes me a little sick. My joints aren't happy campers these days either, and that probably has something to do with it as well.

So, I decided to procrastinate on the gym and check out my yoga video. I'm very glad I did. I was breathing, stretching, sweating...and having a nice time of it. The room is conducive to yoga exercise, the tape is instructive, the routine enough of a challenge without being a discouragement. I feel like I've done something, but just enough of something! So I'm psyched...well, as psyched as one can get about yoga...it's more of a calm acceptance.

I'm going to add a scented candle...

Day One (actually Two, but, well....)

Morning. Sunday. Day two.

I'm going to try posting every morning for a few weeks. Yesterday, I determined, (after seeing some candid pictures of myself) that middle-aged-spread is not the look I'm going for. My diet isn't bad. What I've been doing is sucking down obscene amounts of alcohol calories. Obscene for me...not on the scale of AA meeting obscene.

I've also been dealing with fatigue. Crushing fatigue. This isn't new either. It goes back years. But, alcohol is a depressant after all, and I'm sure it's not helping.

I don't have the energy or the inclination to exercise like I want/need to.

But, I do like my wine. I'm not about to give up, forever, my glass of red with dinner, but, I need to get a base line reading. I need to drop some pounds. So I set some goals.

I'm not going to drink until Tall One and I leave for Costa Rica at the beginning of November. This is five weeks. I will have a good idea by then if abstinence helps my energy level. I fully expect to have lost a few pounds.

I'm going to begin, in earnest, my "training program" for the mudder I want to enter in April with Daughter. I enjoy a run, usually on a Saturday morning. I'm running 3 1/2 miles right now, and I want to add on an additional walk of three miles by the middle of October. I, most weeks, have a "short" run some other time during the week.

I also want to get into the gym once a week to lift. Monday morning is my target day.

And, just because I think it might be good to establish a routine. I will be waking at 6am each day. Sleeping still makes me bitter....such a waste.

So, that's it. So far, so good. I drank diet sodas at the Pub. I ran yesterday. I did not get up at 6am this morning...but, it's the weekend...