A Better Man, and Sensible Shoes

I have a cold. I didn't feel too badly until I woke from my two hour nap on the sofa, and now I feel stuffy, yucky, and just generally mean. But, all's not lost. I have my new lap top, which I love, seriously love. I'm sitting in MY chair, covered in a fleecy throw, drinking MY ginger ale and orange juice and typing on My laptop. It's not at all cold outside, but it's almost dark (at 4:30pm, don't get me started on daylight savings time changes) and I'm quite cozy, miserable cold aside.

I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the Pearl Jam song "Better Man". You know the lyrics, "...blah,blah,blah... Can't find a better man... blah,blah,blah...". Well I can't for the life of me figure out if they mean that this girl is so pathetic and void of self worth that she can't find anyone better than the lout she's stuck with, or, this guy is so good there is no one better, really, and the chick's a selfish bitch with issues not limited to an overwhelming desire to destroy all the good life's given her, probably because of her pathetic lack of self worth. And 'round and 'round we go. Once again, I probably oversimplify. I'm sure that Pearl Jam is stating something profound and soul changing if only I weren't so thick.

Also, I'm reading a very interesting book. I don't normally read non-fiction. I need to escape, chronically. But I heard about "The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes and Why" while reading the gardening column in our borough newspaper. I know, it's confusing, but those are the facts. Anyway, there is a physiology and psychology to survival that can be tapped and exploited in horrendous situations, and this book explores all the possibilities. In the midst of all the horror, I read something today that I find riotous - and I quote - "On 9/11, women were almost twice as likely to get injured while evacuating, according to the blah, blah, blah. Was it a question of strength? Confidence? Fear? No, says lead investigator Whatshername. 'It was due to shoes.'" That is hilarious. Can we be so vain as to wear foot gear that will actually cause injury? Of course, this is not news! Bunions, hammer toes, sprained ankles, broken ankles, bad knees, torn tendons...women are why podiatrists are born.

We are idiots, we deserve to be injured in catastrophes! We MUST be protected from ourselves....and terrorists. Our new Glorious Leader (can't find a better man) will guide us to a better reality. We'll sacrifice all our money and earthly possessions, including our uncomfortable, dangerous shoes. We'll start dressing for comfort and function, 'cause style's become passe (according to the example of our Glorious Leader's Glorious Wife). Let's go with something we can work in, something that will stop calling attention to our weak, subservient sexuality, something that will "make" us all equal, and hopefully, apathetic. Perhaps, a loose fitting pajama in a neutral color, a la "The Peoples Liberation Army". Or, a long, loose flowing robe like garment...I think they're called "burkas". At the very least, that's stick with sensible shoes, something we can survive in...'cause, apparently the Apocalypse is coming. Joe the VP said so. Within six months.

This is not a cold induced rant...this is a public service message...I'm being extremely insightful in a clever, entertaining way...heed the warning...

And get rid of the heels....(oh, that's good, too!).