Where Was (Am) I?

I'm waiting for the boys to finish napping. The house is hot, not unbearable, but uncomfortable. We still haven't turned on the air conditioning. Last Sunday, Tall One suggested it. I knew he would...now I'm just being stubborn, not-so-silent martyrdom. I'm working on an essay for a contest. Now, I'm having grave concerns that my talent is limited. All right, it is limited, but sometimes I can convince myself of brief moments of true genius. I'm either being realistic, or I'm in the throes of peri-menopause. I have awful cramps (pity, please), I'm losing gallons of body fluids (and yet I'm bloated - shake your head with me), but the very, very worst symptom is the thick, foggy, mental state. I had lunch with a new friend, I don't know her that well or for very long. I started a story and forgot the point, I couldn't remember any names of any of the people we were trying to discuss...... (ended 6/3)

And, here it is, over a month later, and I'm just now getting back to this post. I'll get up in another minute to fold some wash, and who knows, it could be next year till I try and work on this again...
But, no, it's only a few HOURS later. Obviously, the boys have gotten up from their naps...IN JUNE. They are now ready to graduate from college (joke...). And I have no idea where I was going with any of this...

I'm tired of menstruating. Seriously. I'm 51 years old, I was finished birthing at 25. It's time. BUT...what happens then? Probably worse than what I'm dealing with NOW, because, really, it hasn't been as bad as it could be. I'm not dealing with night sweats, I don't have severe mood swings, and my periods are still fairly predictable, shorter, and no more painful than they ever were, except for the perpetual fog. That is really annoying. Really, really, annoying. But it's only really, really annoying for three or four days a month. (No man in the world would put up with even THAT.) The rest of the time it's just really annoying, or annoying. Sometimes, for a few hours at a time, I can think clearly. When that happens, I drink a glass or two of wine. That get's me back to annoying.

So, to what do I have to look forward? Weight gain? Hair loss? Brittle bones? Skeletal deformity? Dry skin? Loss of sex drive (Tall One's rolling his eyes right now, he thinks that's already happened.)? Just shoot me?

I'll gain a shit load of money saved on feminine hygiene products. Isn't that a racket, ladies? I didn't pay too much attention to the specific prices of products before the "budget" - which I am acing, I'll have you know. I bought what I needed, stocked up when I had coupons. At this stage of life, I'm not too sure that I want to "stock up". Any month now I could be selling the surplus on eBay. And....this stuff ain't cheap! I'm thinking of reviving the "rag". Literally, ripping up the bed sheets! Reusing! Shouldn't Al Gore be pushing an environmental angle? Wouldn't THAT be the study? (Oh, don't get me started on "Studies" - another day, another day...)

My handbag will be lighter. Won't have to carry the "pouch of products". I wonder if I'll still need panty liners? I hope I won't still get cramps. It's my understanding from some of the reading I've done, that some women get cramps like clockwork even without bleeding. That would be my luck!

My body is changing. My waist is definitely thicker. But, this just puts it more in proportion to my hips. You know that phenomenon where you try on pants that fit over your hips and you have room to carry a draft horse in your waist band? I still gravitate toward pants with drawstrings, but stock sizes are fitting better. I don't have to wash my hair as frequently as I did when I was younger. But, I still do. And, I have gray. But, I'm ok with it. My skin bugs me, it's loose and cellulite ridden, but, I'm not doing it on purpose.

So, really, I guess it's mostly the muffled, forgetful, unfocused state that I'm railing against. And, I don't know if that will get better or worse for lack of hormones. Stay tuned.