The Best Ever

Another Valentine's Day hovers on the horizon. Tall One and I will celebrate. Tall One will go golfing, and I will let him. I will read and putter around the house, and Tall One will quietly nap when he gets home, or find a project of his own to do. Saturday night we'll watch something we've recorded on the DVR. Valentine's Day has no special meaning for us anymore. Because, it doesn't have to.

Tall One and I used to play this game. No, not THAT kind of game. I would say, "I love you", and Tall One would say, "I love you more", then I'd say, "No, I love you more" ad nauseum. Well, I always had this sneaky suspicion, but it took me years to admit it, and once I admitted it, I told Tall One we couldn't play this game anymore. See, Tall One REALLY DOES LOVE ME MORE!

Tall One believes that what I do at home is valuable. He thinks that raising kids was a job, but, not my total responsibility. He used to do all the grocery shopping. I would make the list. The kids were small, we only had one car, and I couldn't face the responsibility of managing a food budget. So, he would clip coupons, check out sale items, and stock up on "good deals". He changed diapers, even on the children I babysat for, even during his lunch hour. He played with the kids. Every night, every single night, he would make me go into their rooms with him and watch them sleep. He helped me discipline. He always supported me.

Tall One has always let me do what I wanted. I wanted to stay home with the children. Ok. I wanted to babysit. Ok. I wanted to quit babysitting. Ok. I wanted to work outside the home, at a job that required travel, and long exhausting hours, and sleep deprivation, and not cooking his meals for a decade - and less than, much less than, minimum wage. Ok. He learned to cook. He ordered recipe cards and got the free filing box, and shopped and cooked for him and the boys. And never complained. He didn't clean up very well, but he said that's because he didn't want to make me feel bad.

When I told him he could never, under any circumstances, ever again in our lives do the laundry because he ruined my sweater...he never did. He has never left a home improvement project unfinished, he has never complained when I have.

He holds my head when I'm sick, rubs my back when I demand, and holds my hand everywhere. Someone asked him about the hand holding once. He said, "it's so she doesn't get away". He was serious.

He has provided for my mother, even though she makes it pretty clear she doesn't think much of him. He listens when I complain. He makes it possible for me to do the hard things that I have to do. He never grumbles when I ask him to do inconvenient favors. He stopped work and drove to CVS to put air in the stroller tires, he stops to get frozen rodents for my snakes. He doesn't like snakes. He let Daughter have hissing cockroaches, and when her fiance said she couldn't bring them to their home after they were married, he let me keep them, even though they had babies. He drew the line at a tarantula, but that was probably for the best.

He's always made the hard decisions. He's the one who insisted we change churches when the one we were attending became overwhelming for me. He's the one who pulled the kids out of private school when I was too scared that they'd burn in hell for our disobedience. He's the one who challenged our son and daughter-in-law when they attacked my character. He's the one, who 30 years ago, told me it was ok that I'd spent money we didn't have on baby pictures we didn't need. I still remember.

He comforts me when I'm sad, he still looks at me with love. I can interrupt him anytime, about anything, and even if he doesn't understand, he listens. He asks my opinion about things, even when he knows I don't have one and it doesn't matter what he does, and his mind is made up. He takes walks with me.

He never pressures me about anything, he's never critical. He has never fought with me, never argued. I've argued with him, ranted, hit, thrown things, raged, threatened to leave...and he's never answered me back with anything but patience. He tells me he loves me many times, every day, but, will never tell me why he loves me when I ask because, "what if what I love about you changes, I'll still love you".

He "fights" with the grandsons, even when he's tired and wants to read the paper because it gives me a break. He lets me put everyone and every thing ahead of him, and never demands equal time. I have never felt like I disappointed him. He has never, to my knowledge looked at another woman. He treats me with respect, as an equal. He makes me feel like the sun rises and sets on my happiness. I believe, to him, it does.

Happy Valentine's Day, Tall One. This isn't why I love you, anything could change and I still would...but, this is how I know that you love me.